have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
