Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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