Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
