I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
