She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
