Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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