Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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