I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
