just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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