I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
