Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
