My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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