think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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