I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
