He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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