ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
