it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
