I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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