so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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