she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
