Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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