so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
