Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
