Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
