textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
