I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He felt like a one man threesome
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
