The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
