i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
