exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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