just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
