I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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