I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
