Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
