In the future we'll all be gay
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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