your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
