i wish my penis had a tongue
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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