At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
