Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
