So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
