Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
