Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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