you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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