you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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