last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
