Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
