It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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