Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
