Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
