dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
