my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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