My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
