I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
